I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
