i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
