You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
