I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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