I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
