I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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