Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
