Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
