she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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