Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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