I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
my poor anus
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize