He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
