I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
