i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
