You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
