I just cut my nipple shaving
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
