The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
