she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize