The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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