white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
