It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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