You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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