The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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