Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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