I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
