I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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