sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
