Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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