I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
