He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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