im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
