Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
