Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
