is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize