Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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