Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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