singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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