so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
