if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
