well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
