My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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