we're chasing vodka with high fives
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
