im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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