The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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