I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
