what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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