A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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