i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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