ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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