she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
