Having a random hookup so left but love u
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
