dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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