If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
