operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
