all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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