Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
