You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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