Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
