Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
