You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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