if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
