Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
