True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
