i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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