ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
