I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Terrible idea I love it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
