Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
