He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
