im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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