What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize