I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
