honey bunches of taint.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
