i permit you to call me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
