She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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