you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize