My Higher Power is John Stamos
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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