so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize