ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We don't watch enough power rangers
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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