I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
