i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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