yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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