I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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