she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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