i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
